HOOAH!!!

I wear no uniforms, no blues or army greens
But I am in the Army in the ranks rarely seen
I have no rank upon my shoulders - salutes I do not give
But the military world is the place where I live

I'm not in the chain of command, orders I do not get
But my husband is the one who does, this I can not forget
I'm not the one who fires the weapon, who puts my life on the line
But my job is just as tough. I'm the one that's left behind

My husband is a patriot, a brave and prideful man
And the call to serve his country not all can understand
Behind the lines I see the things needed to keep this country free
My husband makes the sacrifice, but so do our kids and me

I love the man I married, Soldiering is his life
But I stand among the silent ranks known as the  Army Wife 

The Loss

            A young lady sits in the waiting room of the OB clinic at Womack Army Medical Center.  She gives out a quiet yawn.  She is tired.  Three emergency room visits in two days has really taken a toll on her.  Around her are pregnant women and their husbands.  They are smiling and giggling.  Their husbands rub their bellies and look up at their wives affectionately.  The young lady looks at her husband. He gives a compassionate smile and grabs her hand.  His hand is warm and sweaty. He gives her hand a squeeze and then looks somewhere else.  She knows what he is thinking, but he does not tell her.  He is trying to be supportive.  It is hard: they have never had to deal with this before.  The waiting room television is unusually loud.  She stirs in her seat. Her mouth is dry.  It tastes like the cup of coffee she down before coming in.  She sighs.  “How long are they going to take?” Finally after what seems to be a half an hour, they call her back. 

The smell hospital grade Lysol pierces her nose.  The hallway is bright.  After the usual blood pressure, weight, and temperature checks, they take her back to the examine room.  The nurse comes into the room.  She is of average age and has a very inviting smile.  The nurse asks about the young lady’s other two pregnancies.  They make small talk about the couple’s two year old daughter and the adventures of potty training.  For a moment, they laugh.  She asks about the bleeding. “Is it normal?”  The young lady thinks to herself, “Normal? How is bleeding during pregnancy normal?” She tells the nurse, “I never did with my two other pregnancies.”  The young lady takes a glance over at her husband.  He straightens his uniform and fiddles with his dog tags.  He cannot look at her.  She can see the worry on his face.  “Please put on this hospital gown.  The doctor will be in shortly,” the nurse says as she walks out of the room.

The young lady does as instructed.  Her husband makes a wise crack about her choice of underwear.  She gives him the “after everything that has happened this weekend do you think I am concerned with underwear?” look.  He apologizes.  The hospital gown is rough and itchy.  As they wait, she looks around.  On the walls of the examine room are public service announcements for breastfeeding and cessation of smoking while pregnant.  Also on the wall are gestational growth chart.  She reads them to keep her mind off of how long the doctor is taking.  She turns to her husband who looks asleep in the chair, “We would have heard the baby’s heart beat this week.” There is silence.  Tears start to fill her eyes.  She chokes them down as her husband rubs her back.  “No, I am not going to think that way.  They did not tell us we lost it in the emergency room, and until this doctor tells me different, I am not breaking down!” she thinks to herself.  She then turns to her husband with a fake smile and says, “We still might be able to, I am getting ahead of myself.  We must think positive thoughts. It is in God’s hands now.”  There is a knock at the door.  The doctor walks in.  “Finally,” she thinks.

The doctor is polite and enthusiastic. “Let’s do the ultrasound and go from there.” She puts on a compassionate smile. There is a great deal of prodding and pulling, and also a great deal of silence. The young lady studies the doctor’s face.  She contemplates every eye wince, every head shake, and ever whispered question to the nurse.  The silence starts to become unbearable for the young lady.  Just as soon as she feels she is about to break, her husband reaches forward.  He grabs both her hands and kisses her forehead.  Finally, the doctor turns the ultrasound machine off and writes in the chart.

After about five minutes, the doctor finally looks up. “Here is the thing,” she says as her eyes chase away to avoid meeting the young lady’s gaze.  “You are eleven weeks and a couple days.”  The young women’s husband’s foot is tapping wildly.  This has always annoyed her.  The doctor continues, “The baby is measuring about six weeks.” Now her foot is tapping wildly.  The doctor goes on to tell her that with the bleeding and the baby measuring small that she most certainly miscarried.  The room is still. The doctor studies the young women’s face.  The young woman is stoic.  She does not move, only to shake her head to show she understands.   She can see her husband put his face in his hands.  “Hold it together, hold it together,” the young woman thinks to herself.  The doctor continues to tell her the process of how she will have to “pass” the baby.  The young woman keeps her eyes fixed on the doctor’s eyes.  The smell of the doctor’s hand sanitizer seems to overwhelm the room. 

The doctor gives the young woman discharge instructions, the medicine to “pass” the baby, and a very sympathetic “I’m sorry.”  To leave the clinic, they have to walk out through the waiting room.  They have to walk pass the same smiling pregnant women and their husbands.  One of them looks up at the young lady and smiles.  She smiles back.  Her husband grabs her hand and leads her out.  The car ride home is silence.  To the young woman, the colors of the passing world are dull, lifeless.  Her husband has not said a word since the doctor’s office.  She studies his face.  She is searching for a hint of emotion.  He catches her staring at him.  She sees a tear in his eye.  For a moment, she sees his weakness.  Then he smiles and says, “You look beautiful.”  She takes his hand in hers.  The young couple is left to deal with this on their own. 

And it's two bare feet on the dashboard.....

Temperature says 93 Down at the Deposit and Guarantee.

But the swimming hole, its nice and cold

 (STARTED WRITING THIS TWO WEEKS AGO! FORGIVE ME.)
It has been a crazy couple of weeks. Didn't realize how much Andy really did around here until he was gone!! It was nice for Cali to invite us to go to the pool with her family and Texas'.  I was wondering how I was going to do that with Levi who is an infant and obviously can't swim. Plus Maddy who could stand in the shallow tends to get  brave and I really didn't want a drowning toddler on my hands.  I pretty much knew I was getting in. EEK! I have multiple bathing suits. 3 bikinis, 1 bikini I got big for when I was pregnant, and an old lady one piece that is basically a dress. The 3 bikinis are from my "pre baby" days. ( Was there ever pre baby days?? I can't remember! Seems so long ago!) So those weren't fitting. I wasn't going to wear the old lady bathing suit because its black and its ridiculously hot here.  Maternity bathing suit it was!!! It had a long tank top and a bikini cut bottom. I do not like bikini cut bottoms. But the top covered enough for me to be comfortably awkward. What is so lovely about the base we are on, it has individual neighborhood centers. Each neighborhood has a center and within that center is a gym, conference rooms, maintanence, play rooms, and outside swimming pools. This was our first time. Felt bad because I knew Andy would be bummed he wasn't there to take Maddy to the pool for the first time. Its a nice pool. Big. I describe it as a walk in pool.  When you walk into the pool it starts of shallow and gets deep. At the beginning it has little gysers that shoot water and an umbrella which water cascades from the top. Cali sat with the babies and I put Maddy in her life jacket.  I wasn't going to take her into the deep end. Its just that she can't see to begin with and she gets a little too brave. 

She was fearful at first. The sound of the water crashing from the geysers and umbrella really frightened her.  She stayed knee deep. The other kids dove right in. It was so hot and it was so refreshing. I had Levi dressed in his swim trunks, swim shirt, and one of those "Gilligan" hats.  The lifeguard started yelling at me, "you can't put him in the pool in a diaper!" Really? Because I didn't he has a little swimmers on Relax yourself lady.  All and all it was a great day. Levi loved splashing in the water and Maddy loved playing with the kids. I enjoyed watching her explore the water and be daring. I felt so blessed we were able to go to the pool and enjoy it. A very nice perk  of the military! Andy finally got to go to the pool on his last day of leave. We took the girls and boy were they little divas.

RANT ALERT!! CAUTION!! RANT ALERT!!

So I just sat here for an hour writing this blog about how disappointed and upset I was about a situation that happened during this crazy week. I really wanted to get it of my chest, but the more I wrote about it, the more upset I got. I realized writing this instead of letting it roll of my back was toxic. Just so happens that Anger management is on. It is at the part in the meeting where they say "Goosefraba." Instead of venting my frustration, I am going to give it a a Goosefrababa and let it roll of my back. Or being the Senfeild fan I can just yell, "SERENITY NOW!" I have come to realize all that matters is God, Family, and friends who actually want to be in my life. Everyone else can stick it where the sun don't shine. I am a strong believer in KARMA and she is a *itch! I am going to live my life for God, family, friends, and country. Everything else is trivial.

Christine Quickie: Flower beds.

Realized I didn't put the official "finished project" picture up yet. Mom came down and together we got soil, mulch, flowers, and tomato plants. This is what the front looks like:

The military is my husband's mistress & sometimes that bitch gets all the attention.

I haven't blogged in ages. It has been a very hectic week. Andy is at WLC (warrior leadership course for you civilians.) He will be gone 2 and half weeks. The minute he left, Levi came down with a fever, cough, and snotty nose. I made 3 doctor visits and 1 ER visit in one week. Levi had a 103 temperature and that was with tylenol. I had to load him and Madelynn up and brave what is the beast of an Army Emergency Department. Anyone who has been an Army Emergency Department knows it is RI - DIC - U - LOUS. I kept apologizing for my slowness and lack of control over my very tired 2 year old. I kept saying, "Sorry, daddy is gone for training." I kept getting the reply, "That is when it hits the fan!" And boy did it! After all the visits and running around, we have finally slowed down. Levi is getting better but he is still having breathing issues. He has to do breathing treatments for the next two weeks. Madelynn got way to use to her daddy being around. She has been pretty cranky not having daddy around. He got to come home yesterday for awhile. The minute she saw him she was like "Dadas, dadas." (she has been adding "s" to everything this week!) She was really upset when we dropped him back off. She has been a peach ever since. (Sarcasm!) I have been meaning to sit down and blogged forever this week. I have so much to blog about. I decided to blog on one thing at a time. I don't have the time to sit down and "blog it out" plus you guys don't want to sit through that. It would be boring!
First I am going to blog about something I have done nothing about think about today. Today has been a sad day in the neighborhood. Cali's husband left for deployment. The Cali's have been our neighbors since the day we move in. I consider them friends (and hope they think the same of us!) My heart breaks for them. As military families, you know that deployments are possible, but you really never think it happens until it actually does. I don't wanna say I know what she is going through (because my husband is here and he has yet to deploy yet.) but I can understand what she has felt leading up to it.

Missing someone gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's one day closer to the next time you will. ~Author Unknown

You see 2 weeks after Levi was born, two weeks after Andy got to his FDS, (First duty station.)they told him he would be deploying in January. This was December. I really was devastated. I knew Andy joining the Army would have some AMAZING pros and some not so amazing cons. I just didn't think it would happen so fast. As the soldiers prepare to leave, the wives start making a plan for that year. At the time I was still in Ohio, Andy was in the barracks, we didn't even have a house down there. I had to make decisions on whether to stay in Ohio with family or go fend for myself in North Carolina. Andy had promised me when we got pregnant with Levi that I could finish school once we got to our FDS. Now I was faced with school or no school? Should I go in Ohio or should I go in North Carolina? Just a bunch of shoulds, coulds, woulds, and the dreaded what ifs? I don't even have to go into detail what the "What ifs" are. As my mother can attest I was in a holding pattern. I had to make these decisions and my right arm (Andy) was leaving. I was a wreck for once in my life. By the grace of God, Andy got a phone call two days before Christmas, that he didn't have to deploy. Just writing this brings tears to my eyes. Probably because I am watching my DVR'd Coming Home episode.
My heart goes out to Cali. I can on a very small, minimal scale know what she went through leading up to this deployment. In reality, I think all army wives do. Deployments are what you push to the very back of your minds and try not to think about them until they come up. Being neighbors/friends, I couldn't help but think about Cali's husband leaving. Not only am I sad for my friend, her husband, and her children but it had me thinking about Andy deploying. Its not a question of IF but WHEN. It is hard to not to think about it and when someone close to you is going through it, it materializes your fears. Right now for me, it is just a fear he is going to deploy. For Cali, her husband is deploying and she is living it now. As her friend I want badly to make this time as painless as possible. Which is impossible. I have no words, I have no advice. I really can't even give her words of encouragement because I have not gone through a deployment. It would be empty words. I would feel like I am bull shitting her. (Couldn't think of a nicer way to put it.) I hate when people come to you and say things along the lines like "Oh it will go by quick, don't worry, everything will be ok." And they have not experienced it. I really want to say to those people "Shut the hell up! I have to restrain myself when civilian wives say, "Oh the hubby is working out of town all weekend, its really going to suck." CRAM IT! Now I haven't had to deal with a deployment, but I spent 8 months separated from Andy, pregnant, with Maddy, now that sucked!! I don't think civilians really understand what it is like to live the military lifestyle. We are coming up on a year in the Army, and I am still finding things I don't like.
I wish desperately to wave a magic wand and POOF The war is over. Everyone can come home. Unfortunately Wal-mart is out of wands. I guess I ll have to do is pray, pray hard. I can't take away Cali's pain as much as I want to. All I can do is everything in my means to make it easier in Mr. Cali's absence. I asked God for strength to be a good friend and be able to help out when it is warranted. Deployments just don't affect a soldier, they affect the families as well. And in this neighborhood, these neighbors will be right there going through it with the Cali's. If I can help out in anyway, be a shoulder to lean on, or brighten a day I will. I love my Army family. For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, times of deployments and in times of leave.

Dear Lord,
Give me the greatness of heart to see the difference between duty and his love for me. Give me understanding that I may know, when duty calls him he must go. Give me a task to do each day, to fill the time when he's away. And Lord, when he's in a foreign land, keep him safe in your loving hand. And Lord, when duty is in the field, please protect him and be his shield. And Lord, when deployment is so long, please stay with me and keep me strong. Amen.

Peer Pressure is a Motha!

Remember when your parents said "If all your friends jumped off a Bridge, would you?". That was a famous one in our house. Saturday was a beautiful North Carolina day. As you read in my previous blog I did yard work. Well Texas' husband did my yard work. After the yard work was done, we met up in Cali's front yard to let the kids play like we do most nights. Apparently Cali had gotten onto her husband about cleaning out the garage. He deploying and if she was anything like me there would be no way in hell I would clean that out by myself! So Cali's husband pulls out a pretty steep bike ramp. Being that he has been around BMX all his life it made sense. So he decides to start jumping it and the neighbor across the street Josh (don't know where he is from!) joins in. Josh rides his bike to work and back. He was a pro. Well pretty soon they start taunting Texas' husband to jump the ramp. He went to jump it a few times and bailed at the last min. Then the kids started chanting "Do it! Do it!" Well he did it. He looked good in the air, but the landing was a little shaking. You know you should do something when your own wife says you are going to get hurt and end up in the ER. He came down hard. His tires slid and he smacked with force right into the end of my husband's Ford Focus. It was like slow motion replay. It was beautiful. It was one of the greatest things I ever saw in my life. After he hit I couldn't help but run up to him with a smile. I had to hold back the "Dude that was flippin awesome" line. I didn't want to seem to insensitive. But it was awesome. He didn't have any outward signs he had been badly hurt. Just his pride I think. Poor guy. After he took a minute, he got up and surveyed the damage to the bike. You see, it wasn't his bike. He just borrowed it from his friend two days before.  He got up and said, "I just bought a bike!" I felt so bad. I wasn't even concerned with the focus. It has a scratch in it from the handle bars but I was just happy it was there because if it wasn't, he would have slammed his head on the concrete. With no helmet.  Its never a dull moment in the Bataan neighborhood. Just last week we had a girl back her car into a car parked directly behind her. Few days later, there was a DV (domestic violence) in that same driveway. Couple days after that, a car was repossessed a few house down from us.  If you front porch sit in this neighborhood, you will have no need for T.V.  After everything calmed down, we made supper. Had to give Texas and her husband a steak. That was more entertaining than a PPV and cheaper!!! I feel bad because as we were eating I said "Holy crap you have a Quasimodo eye!!" (FOOT IN MOUTH DISEASE.) We all got a laugh at his expense. Nothing a couple jello shots can't cure!!! Typically Saturday night. Sitting in Cali's front yard, kids playing, Olkie brings the jello shots, and Cali makes the margaritas on their gas powered blender! (Oh yeah, picture to come, I know my dad would be impressed with that!) You gotta love my neighbors. They really are our best friends.  We have become mothers and fathers to each others kids. And aren't they some great kids!!

The Bataan kids. Minus a few. So what is the lesson we learned today: If children (Ages 7 and below.) Are chanting for you to do something you think might be slightly stupid, you probably shouldn't do it!!

Always a foremen never a Grunt!!

The best way to garden is to put on a wide brimmed straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig.

http://home.golden.net/~dhobson/Jokes.html
Ain't that a cute quote?? I found that and thought, "Wow that really described my day yesterday." Woke up early yesterday. I had made my mind up that I was going to start my garden. See to understand what I am about to tell you, I guess I should give you some background. Here on base, we live in what I call a "glorified townhouse." Don't get me wrong, I LOVE our house. Its 4 bedrooms, 2 and 1/2 baths of awesomeness. It is just attached to three other houses. See you don't get a house without others attached until your an officer. Within this "quadplex" is four homes. We live in the second home. The neighbor who lives in the first house doesn't talk. Just assuming, but I think she is a mute because I have said "Hi, How are ya, Have a blessed day." about a million times and she never responds. The neighbor who lives in the third house whom I will call Cali (because she is from California.) I adore. She has that same raw foot in the mouth personality I have. She has 3 beautiful children with whom I adore. Her youngest was born just two days after my son. Next to her in the end house is Texas ( because she is from Texas!) They have the house I wanted because if you if on the end it has a wrap around porch and more yard! They have 3 children. Across the street is Olkie (Oklahoma). They have four children. I told you that story to tell you this story. It all started with Texas. They started sprucing up the front garden. Once they started that, Cali started too. Then Olkie. Each person got just a little bit more creative. It became an unoffical competition. I have manage to stay out of it so far due to lack of funds. Well that and I don't know too much about flowers and such. My mother said she was going to get some flowers for mothers day for me when she comes done (which is in 4 days). I kept telling everyone that my mom would do it when she came. Meanwhile I started looking at edging and flowers to give her an idea of what I wanted. I decided since the neighbors were getting pre made edging, I would do something different. I really didn't want to spend a lot (or any if I could help it)I really like the river rock edging. No river on base. But fortunately there is a big pile of rock on the other side of the fence. Cali recruited her kids and I brought the wagon and we were rock hunting! Once we had a wagon full and headed back up the hill. Boy does your age catch up to you right when you are in the middle of something physically demanding! I started hoeing out the edging and Texas' husband decided to start putting in the rocks. I decided to take a break and never got back to finish. So thanks to Texas' husband, my edging is finished!! Free labor is the best labor.

How cute is Maddy in the bathing suit from her Great Aunt Kay!! Needless to say, I got my edging for free. Now everyone is using the little red wagon to get them some rocks!! Now we just need flowers!!! Hurry up mom.

Sleepy day at the Westerhold house.

BORED!!!! This morning I woke up to the sounds of my husbands annoying alarm clock. I swear it went off at 3 a.m. He swears it was 5:30 a.m. On any count, it was early and it rang forever! Did not sleep well! Needless to say I was a crabby witch with a B in front of it. I got up and moving. Luckily Andy does help out in the morning before he leaves. He will either make bottles and cups, make Maddy's breakfast, or change and dress a kid. He changed Maddy and made Levi's bottles. After breakfast, I showered and Maddy did too. Got them dressed. I almost cried getting Maddy dressed. You see today they are having a cookout/picnic at the Company. So I dressed Maddy in a nice sun dress. Brought tears to my eyes. The dress I put on her belong to Audrey when she was this age. My father bought it for her. Its hard to think my baby girl is going to be 2 in one week. I feel like Andy and I's lives the last 4 years have been stuck in the fast lane!! Started dating April 6th 2007, got married Sept 20th 2008, had Maddy on May 15th 2009, Andy joined the army June 8th 2010, had Levi November 14th 2010 and now here we are in NC. I don't want to say I hope it slows down. Every time I say that people tell me when it does, the kids have gone, and you will be wishing for them to be little. My mom always says (which she got from my Mamaw Cox.) "Love them when they are tugging at your apron strings, because when they are older they will tug at your heart strings." Two incredibly wise women. Those our different stories for different days.
So since getting dressed, the kids and I have just been lounging around.

As You can see Maddy fell asleep on my arm and Brutus (Andy's chocolate Lab) fell asleep unusually weird on the couch!! (which he is not suppose to do!)
Well I need to get of this and do some work so when my husband comes home and I tell him how hard I worked today and How crazy the kids have been, I ll have something to show for it!! Plus I have to get ready for the "BIG COMPANY PICNIC". This should be interesting.

Summer 2011; Let it begin!

Where to begin?? I pondered on writing my first blog with my life story, but for your sake and mine, I won't. Number one its a loooonnnnggg story and I just don't have the time. I have 2 (sometimes 3 kids when my stepdaughter is here), 2 labs, and a husband who would starve and go naked if I wasn't available to cook and do laundry!!! So if you read my profile you would know that I am an army wife of just under a year. We have been here in NC since January. Number one we have thee most amazing neighbors! I have instantly bonded and made friends with them. We exchange children nightly. If I yell out to Maddy, "Come on Maddy, get inside, time to take a bath!" I will have at least one little girl asking if they can have a bath too. If we come back from an errand, as we are unloading a neighbor kid (whether it be across the street or next door) well be yelling "Can Maddy come out and play??". We got really lucky for this being our first duty station. I have a family member who is also in the army and his wife had some opinions about army wives. She warned me about the drama and how army wives are "snotty and stuck up." That was not the case at all here in NC. I told myself before leaving Ohio that I would approach this new chapter of our life with an open heart. I washed away any misgiving or misconceptions I had about the army and NC. I think its all about how you approach it. If you come in here upset about leaving home, your husband being gone and you believe the stories about evil army wives, you are going to be miserable. If you approach the army with the understanding of sacrifice, ever changing scenery, and try to make the best our of it; I can bet you will be happy. Andy and I are so grateful for our neighbors. In the short time we have known them we have grown to love them, their children and even their dogs! We celebrated Easter this year for the first time away from home with our "Army family". And that is what it really is. When you find a group of people who you click with and are there when you need it, that is family. I can say I love every single member of my "Army Family." I makes it easy to forget how much you miss home when you have great neighbors!